Well it's been well over a year since my last post, mainly due to the fact that we have now moved back to the UK after nearly ten years in Australia. Sorry, pardon, what?
In my last blog I spoke in depth about the grief journey I had been on since my Mum's passing in October 2019, and to be honest none of what I was feeling was shifting and I seemed to be living in this strange vortex and every time I thought things were settling, grief would rock up in the most unwelcome of situations and I'd feel completely out of control. In fact, it was getting to the point that I felt that maybe, just maybe, the only way I was going to move on was if I were to be with my family in the UK again. But let me rewind a bit to fill in the gaps and bring context to this roller coaster of a story.
In August 2021, we moved into the the most beautiful of houses. This was following the incredible sale of our previous house where after only spending about $23k on renervations the value had gone up by a mind-blowing $312k in under two years! We were then able to put in an offer for a place that we could only dream of a few months before and miraculously we got it. It was a gorgeous single-level house in a lovely area and it felt like paradise.
Perhaps the only thing playing on our minds was the fact that it was pretty much at the top of our budget. But hey, I had a new job I was going into and things seemed like they were going perfectly, and we even had money set aside to plan a long awaited trip back to the UK in August 2022.
The week before my new job was about to start, the area we lived in went into COVID lockdown. I was not able to be in the office and get to know all my new colleagues or figure out my new role as facilities manager, but rather I was handed a laptop, a work phone and told to "work from home". 'Work home on what, exactly?' I thought. So for the first week I was at home and immediately being sent so many emails, asking me to produce documents, raise work orders and investigate maintenance issues and I had no idea how the company worked. It was horrible.
I managed to push through and got to a point where I felt comfortable and finally we were allowed back in the office and I could finally meet my colleagues, in person. As soon as I met the person who I was to sit next to every day, I felt this horrible unease and weirdly instantly started clashing with this person.
Now, I am a very easy-going person who loves working with people and I have had difficult working relationships in the past but I have been able to deal with them because I have been able to work out what the person likes and start talking about that as a way in to break the ice. But this? This was another ballgame. My wife was very quick to say "you need to get out of there." But in typical fashion I decided to stay and try and make it work and try and build a good working relationship. However, after every effort to make this work, it just didn't happen and I was very down, and also exhausted. So what next?
Well, about a month from when I did decide to quit, a friend of mine was holding a prohetic conference and I wanted to go along, mainly just to catch up with him and was not expecting much to happen (this is usually when a lot happens). About three days before I left for the conference God spoke very clearly about taking four months off work. Instantly I wrestled with this because, a) how on earth would we manage financially, and b) how on earth would we manage financially?! Yes, I asked this question, twice. But, I put it to the back of my mind and went to the conference. On the way home, my other friend who was in the car with me, and very much under the power of the Holy Spirit, said; "I think God wants you to take four months off work!" BOOM! Well, when God wants to confirm it, He confirms it.
When I mentioned this to my wife, being the extremely Spirit-filled woman she is, she felt it was also the right thing to do and as we had two cars, we decided to sell one of them and it was so easy to sell on. The amount we received easily paid for the four months and so the scene was set for us to go on a real faith journey. We also felt, 'maybe this is the best time to go back to the UK for a visit', so with money from the previous house sale we booked flights - three weeks for my wife and kids (young adults) and me for two weeks as I had also managed to secure a job for the end of the four months. It was all working out perfectly - except for one thing; the interest rates for mortgages were going up, very quickly!
Normally this would not have worried me, but the new job I had accepted was not as well paid as the previous one (not by much but enough to notice), and our mortgage costs were now starting to put a strain on our income. We still felt to trust God, carry on with the four months off and also the trip to the UK. Yeah, easier said than done. By the time our trip came up, there had been two more rate rises and at least four more were being predicted by the Bank of Australia. We were now at breakeven and when I spoke to our lender for the mortgage they said, "house prices are coming down and we cannot re-mortgage or change you to interest only, you'll just have to make up the difference!" Wow, OK. Not only that, but my wife was starting to get to the point of leaving her role and pursue something else. We were right in the thick of it.
Finally the trip to the UK came up and my family left for London, with me arriving a week later. This had been our first trip back on over two years. When we had previously visited the UK from Australia, it always felt like just a visit and we were always excited to return to Australia, but this felt very different and for a number of reasons.
The first of these was that this was the first time I had been in the UK since my Mum had passed away and I just did not know how I would be able to process this. When I visited my Dad, he told me to sit down and pointed at my Mum's old armchair that I had always seen her sitting in - this was going to be a defining moment for me. As I sat down, I felt such a sense of peace and also a release of pain as those thoughts about what it will be like, disappeared in an instant. It was amazing. It felt like I had finally scaled a large mountain and the grief was starting to leave.
Another reason it felt different was because it just felt so comfortable, almost like we were back and bonding once again with family and friends. It was quite something and I wasn't sure how we'd be when it came to leaving to go back to Australia. I even had the thought, 'is God wanting us to move back?' I didn't say anthing, though, as God has a habit of speaking to my wife and I about the same things at the same time.
When the time did come for us to leave, it was SO hard. There was a lot of crying, a lot of disappointment, a lot of strange feelings of being home again. It was so difficult. If it wasn't for a few days stop over in LA on the way to Australia, I think we'd have landed back in a bit of a state. But thankfully, when we got back we were fine but obviously had a lot to think about. For me, I was starting my new job on Monday so, yeah, I didn't have long at all to dwell on what was going to happen next.
By the time the new year (2023) came, we were going backwards financially. Our mortgage was now over $1000 a month more than it was when we bought the house, I was in ANOTHER new job and struggling and my wife was working for a new company but not really settling like she thought she would be. Adding to this, our son was starting to say how he just wanted to study music back in the UK and wanted to move back and our daughter was having a really hard time adjusting back into life in Australia. AND, God had spoken to me about preparing to move again. For some reason, I didn't think He meant moving back to the UK but it didn't take too long before this crazy idea grew and grew and it was then the only thing I could think about. I prayed that my wife would feel the same way and also prayed that if it was God's will, He would have to perform the miracle of miracles to ensure our house sold for more than we had bought it for, especially in a declining property market.
One Friday in the middle of February 2023, my wife came home from work and said, "I think we need to move back to England! But I just want some time to pray about it and see what God says." Not wanting to let on that I'd been feeling like this for a while, I said that I would wait for her to tell me if it was something we needed to consider. For my wife, she processes God's voice in such a lovely way and asks Him to show her a sign that she would understand, personally. Well the sign came and it was a huge one! Literally.
For context, a few years prior to this we had a couple of bad wobbles about being in Australia and my wife was praying for God to speak to her about this. She was driving along a lane and saw a large metal shed which someone had graphitied on in large letters "BABY, DON'T GIVE UP!" She had never seen it before and felt God's reassurrance that He was with her in her doubting. So, now we were having questions about staying in Australia, my wife decided to drive along this lane again on the way to work (which was actually well out of her way) to get that reassurance that we should stay and see this out. But to her astonishment, this time the sign read, "BABY, GIVE UP!" The 'DON'T' had fallen in and left a gap! Laughing and crying at the same time, my wife knew it was time to sell up and move back to England. When she told me about this and showed me the photo, it was a very dramatic and powerful. We knew it was finally time.
So this is where it gets really good. When the estate agent came to value our house, my wife and I already had a number in our heads of what we wanted from the sale and this was $950,000. We felt God had given us this number but looking around the area we lived in, for the same size house the nearest home values were more like $800,000. After spending a while looking around our house, the agent said, "you have a lovely home, I think we should market it at $890 - $920K. Very quickly my wife said, "We want to put it on for $950k. " The agent looked in astonishment and said, "I've been an agent in this area for 20 years and I know the property market. The market is in decline and you will not get near that number." To which my wife replied, "Well, you don't know who we know. We want to put it on for $950k." So, reluctantly, the agent agreed and we ordered the photographer to come and take photos. We were starting the process...
Two weeks later, the agent called to say a lady who was a cash buyer wanted to view the house when the photographer was there as she wanted to 'get in there quickly before the house went on the market'. By 3pm that same Monday (03/04/23) an offer had come in from her for $930k. We couldn't believe it, but although we knew we had a buyer, weirdly we still felt to stick to the asking price of $950k, risking this sale in the process. But, to ours and the agents shock, 24 hours later we sold our house for... $950,000! She had upped her offer because she didn't want to lose the house! The agent was on the phone to me saying, "WHO DO YOU KNOW? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN!" I simply replied that we are Christians and God is our provider and told us to sell the house for this amount. He said that he was in amazement but said, until the contracts are exchanged nothing is set in stone and we could still stand to lose money on the sale if the survey brought anything up.
On May 12th, 2023, we settled on our house sale for $950,000 and even the agent came to take photos of the SOLD sign going up over our For Sale sign. Again he shook our hands and said "I cannot believe this. You two have caused me a lot of grief in the local housing market as all the other agents are asking how on earth you guys have sold for a price nearly $150k over the market average. They think we have made up the numbers!" We just laughed and said, "We told you we know someone!"
So for now, that is what I wanted to share. We are of course now back in the UK and within our first year God has done another impossible miracle with housing for us, but I will share more on this soon. For now, I just want to say that God is always faithful to His word. We are always amazed each time He chooses to bless us and we know we are not alone in this. God does this for millions of people every single day. He is good all the time.
I hope this has encourged you all.
God bless,
Adam
Thursday 18 July 2024
Monday 18 July 2022
Grief - My Journey
It's been around two years and nine months since I last posted a blog on here. My last post was about my Mum who had passed away on October 1st 2019, a date etched into my brain. Since then I've been on probably the hardest journey I can remember, but I wanted to share with you my experiences of grief in the hope this blog may help someone out there, going through their own journey of grief. Believe me, it's different for everyone.
When Mum passed away I was in Australia and for whatever reason my bosses at work at the time said I didn't have enough leave (as I was on my six-month probation) to go back to the UK (yeah, I know, right) and my Dad said that I would be able to watch the ceremony via Zoom or FaceTime. But due to technical issues I missed Mum's funeral altogether! I managed to get my friend to hook up a laptop at the gathering afterwards, but I had missed the actual ceremony. I was finally able to hear it via a recording someone had made on their phone. To say I was devestated is an understatement, and this became such a heavy rock that I began to carry in my heart.
From that moment on I felt so angry. Angry at my employer for not having any sympathy, angry at technical gremlins that stopped me seeing the ceremony and angry at God because I was convinced that Mum would make it through. I then began to spiral internally and although it was a slow process, it got to the point where I didn't really know what to do. I had counselling sessions, I spoke to people, I tried to read books on grief, I tried to find peace in my working (so I could block out the pain) and tried to get on with life but it was very tough.
It was clear that because I'd pushed everything so far down to try and forget about it, it became part of me and whatever I did was tainted by this heavy feeling of total helplessness - I was never going to get over missing the funeral or not being there with the rest of my family to grieve together.
Adding to this huge battle COVID happened and in a sudden move by the Australian government, the international borders were shut and travel outside of Australia was halted. Even if I wanted to get back home, I couldn't. I was now literally living in a nightmare. Yes, Australia is beautiful and yes, my wife and kids are here with me as well as friends, but that didn't help the feeling of isolation and seperation that then also began to form heavy rocks in my soul. I was feeling like I was totally overwhelmed.
I stuck at my job for another 20 months but the stress of the job and the sense of grief I was still experiencing was too much. I needed a change. I was also taking out my frustrations on work colleagues which was not fair on them but they could not understand why I was becoming so angry as they couldn't relate to my scenario. So I then started looking for other work to see if a fresh change would help. Around about this same time, we also decided to sell our house and move to a beautiful new home - not really the wisest of decisions given the stress that can come from moving home, but we needed to.
As well as missing mum's funeral, not being happy at work and feeling trapped because of COVID, our old house was in a flood zone and guess what, we had two unbelievable wet winters and water levels were so bad, my daughters converted appartment in the garage got flooded four times. It was horrible. There was no way we could stay living there and so we managed to renovate and sell right in the middle of a global pandemic! Yes, we got an amazing price for our old house but again, this level of stress took its toll on me and now, after everything I was at rock bottom.
I got a new job, which did not work out the way I was hoping it would and after six months I simply could not function any more. I made the decision to quit my job and I had also felt God say that I would need to take four months off any work to sort myself out. FOUR MONTHS? Sounds like madness. But because God said it, I did it.
During my time off I've tried to rest but life is life and I seemed to feel just as busy as I was when I was working. But at the start of the year we had finally been able to book flights to the UK so at least I had this in my mind as kind of a goal to aim for and focus on if I got overwhelmed. My sister had also been able to fly over here which was also a very precious time and helped a bit. I also managed to secure a new job for when I return from the UK which is amazing and I'm very grateful for that. But four weeks ago, something momumental happended to me, and this has changed me from the inside out, and I wanted to share this with you.
I took my daughter to an art class and my wife had said it might be good for me to get alone with God and have it out with Him (He's a big God so can handel my grumpiness for sure). I didn't want to do this at all. You see, for me, part of the pain of grief was in some strange way still keeping my Mum alive in my heart, because I just couldn't let go or face the reality that Mum had died. So to "have it out with God" meant that I would need to admit that I wanted to let go of the pain and in turn, let go of Mum. SO HARD! Also, I've mentioned a few times the rocks I was starting to form in my heart. When I looked back on my life over the last 46 years I had realised that I had formed SO many rocks and there were plenty of unresolved disappointments. These disappointments were totally skewing my thoughts about so many things, including the grief. As always, my wife was right. I REALLY did need to sort myself out.
After dropping my daughter off. I made the decision to face my fears and I drove down a narrow track and parked up. I made sure I was in the middle of nowhere (very easy to do in Australia) because there was definitly going to be some shouting going on, and I didn't want anyone else to hear it. I found a track and walked along it for a minute or two and I noticed I was walking alond quite a rocky path and there were loose rocks everywhere. I felt God say "pick the rocks up and throw them when you've name each disappointment" so I did.
Grabbing as many as I could fit in one hand, I stood up and picked up the first rock. I looked at it and said, "right rock, you are the disappointment of my job where I couldn't get back home..." and I continued to tell this rock how I felt and once I had felt I'd said enough, I then asked God where He was in that season, He said very gently "I was there with you," and I so I threw the rock. There was an instant feeling of relief. So I followed this process with the rest of them, but it became obvious there was a rock still in my hand that was much bigger than the others. I knew this was my Mum.
When I got to this last rock I picked it up and froze. I couldn't find any words. When I did try to speak, I was overwhelmed with anger and gut-wrenching anguish. I shouted, "If I throw this rock I am saying goodbye and that's something I don't want to do." Immediately I felt God whisper, "I'll help you, I'm here with you." So gradually I managed to articulate my thoughts and with one huge cry from my soul I launched this rock as hard as I could into the air. It's hard to describe what I felt but it did feel incredible. All that bottled up pain that had been in my soul for so long, came out in one breath! It was like all the weight I'd been carrying left me in one moment. WOW!!
Overjoyed I headed back to my car, and I have to say I've not felt that peaceful in quite a long time - if ever.
This could be the end of the story but I know it isn't. There is still the huge task of going to England in a few days time and this will be the first time I've been there and Mum hasn't been there with my Dad. I've no doubt that I will have plenty more processing to do but at least the beaches there have a LOT of rocks on them...
Finally, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on what I've learned about grief in all of this. It can hit you very hard, in ways you would never expect. It makes no announcement, like when you're at a station and you hear the voice of a recording saying when you should expect the train to arrive, it just turns up and smacks you in the face and there's nothing you can do to avoid it. It also comes at very odd moments, it's triggered by sounds, songs, memories and words. It makes no apologies for ruining your day. It doesn't let you off the hook. It's horrible but it's also incredibly necessary. What I've learned, is without grief, there is no reminder that you need time to reflect on what has happened. When you're hit by grief, you're given the opportunity to stop, cry, reflect and realise that you are in fact OK.
Bottling it up, pushing it down or just burying it is NOT the right thing to do but that's what I WAS doing. I thought I was good at dealing with it by saying, I'm good. But I wasn't. Dealing with it this way has not only hurt me but it's hurt those around me because when you hurt, you hurt others in the process. It's not done on purpose but if you don't recognise it, you drive a wedge between you and everyone else. It must be faced head on and it must be dealt with. So in a way, this blog is also a public apology to anyone I may have hurt along the process.
I've no doubt that in the weeks, months and years ahead I will grieve more, it's inevitable. But at least when it happens again, I'll know what to do. I can go back to that place, remember how I felt, pick up a rock, put all my hurt and pain into that rock, and hurl it into the tall grass.
I know that my journey may be very different to others as like I said at the beginning, everyone grieves differently but can I still encourage you by saying you are never alone in that place. Even if you think you are, you're not. Whether you believe in God or not is fine, but I know from my experience that He is very real and He wants to let you know that He's always there to help when noone else can. Even that in itself is a huge comfort.
I really hope this story has helped and encouraged you today.
Blessings, Adam
When Mum passed away I was in Australia and for whatever reason my bosses at work at the time said I didn't have enough leave (as I was on my six-month probation) to go back to the UK (yeah, I know, right) and my Dad said that I would be able to watch the ceremony via Zoom or FaceTime. But due to technical issues I missed Mum's funeral altogether! I managed to get my friend to hook up a laptop at the gathering afterwards, but I had missed the actual ceremony. I was finally able to hear it via a recording someone had made on their phone. To say I was devestated is an understatement, and this became such a heavy rock that I began to carry in my heart.
From that moment on I felt so angry. Angry at my employer for not having any sympathy, angry at technical gremlins that stopped me seeing the ceremony and angry at God because I was convinced that Mum would make it through. I then began to spiral internally and although it was a slow process, it got to the point where I didn't really know what to do. I had counselling sessions, I spoke to people, I tried to read books on grief, I tried to find peace in my working (so I could block out the pain) and tried to get on with life but it was very tough.
It was clear that because I'd pushed everything so far down to try and forget about it, it became part of me and whatever I did was tainted by this heavy feeling of total helplessness - I was never going to get over missing the funeral or not being there with the rest of my family to grieve together.
Adding to this huge battle COVID happened and in a sudden move by the Australian government, the international borders were shut and travel outside of Australia was halted. Even if I wanted to get back home, I couldn't. I was now literally living in a nightmare. Yes, Australia is beautiful and yes, my wife and kids are here with me as well as friends, but that didn't help the feeling of isolation and seperation that then also began to form heavy rocks in my soul. I was feeling like I was totally overwhelmed.
I stuck at my job for another 20 months but the stress of the job and the sense of grief I was still experiencing was too much. I needed a change. I was also taking out my frustrations on work colleagues which was not fair on them but they could not understand why I was becoming so angry as they couldn't relate to my scenario. So I then started looking for other work to see if a fresh change would help. Around about this same time, we also decided to sell our house and move to a beautiful new home - not really the wisest of decisions given the stress that can come from moving home, but we needed to.
As well as missing mum's funeral, not being happy at work and feeling trapped because of COVID, our old house was in a flood zone and guess what, we had two unbelievable wet winters and water levels were so bad, my daughters converted appartment in the garage got flooded four times. It was horrible. There was no way we could stay living there and so we managed to renovate and sell right in the middle of a global pandemic! Yes, we got an amazing price for our old house but again, this level of stress took its toll on me and now, after everything I was at rock bottom.
I got a new job, which did not work out the way I was hoping it would and after six months I simply could not function any more. I made the decision to quit my job and I had also felt God say that I would need to take four months off any work to sort myself out. FOUR MONTHS? Sounds like madness. But because God said it, I did it.
During my time off I've tried to rest but life is life and I seemed to feel just as busy as I was when I was working. But at the start of the year we had finally been able to book flights to the UK so at least I had this in my mind as kind of a goal to aim for and focus on if I got overwhelmed. My sister had also been able to fly over here which was also a very precious time and helped a bit. I also managed to secure a new job for when I return from the UK which is amazing and I'm very grateful for that. But four weeks ago, something momumental happended to me, and this has changed me from the inside out, and I wanted to share this with you.
I took my daughter to an art class and my wife had said it might be good for me to get alone with God and have it out with Him (He's a big God so can handel my grumpiness for sure). I didn't want to do this at all. You see, for me, part of the pain of grief was in some strange way still keeping my Mum alive in my heart, because I just couldn't let go or face the reality that Mum had died. So to "have it out with God" meant that I would need to admit that I wanted to let go of the pain and in turn, let go of Mum. SO HARD! Also, I've mentioned a few times the rocks I was starting to form in my heart. When I looked back on my life over the last 46 years I had realised that I had formed SO many rocks and there were plenty of unresolved disappointments. These disappointments were totally skewing my thoughts about so many things, including the grief. As always, my wife was right. I REALLY did need to sort myself out.
After dropping my daughter off. I made the decision to face my fears and I drove down a narrow track and parked up. I made sure I was in the middle of nowhere (very easy to do in Australia) because there was definitly going to be some shouting going on, and I didn't want anyone else to hear it. I found a track and walked along it for a minute or two and I noticed I was walking alond quite a rocky path and there were loose rocks everywhere. I felt God say "pick the rocks up and throw them when you've name each disappointment" so I did.
Grabbing as many as I could fit in one hand, I stood up and picked up the first rock. I looked at it and said, "right rock, you are the disappointment of my job where I couldn't get back home..." and I continued to tell this rock how I felt and once I had felt I'd said enough, I then asked God where He was in that season, He said very gently "I was there with you," and I so I threw the rock. There was an instant feeling of relief. So I followed this process with the rest of them, but it became obvious there was a rock still in my hand that was much bigger than the others. I knew this was my Mum.
When I got to this last rock I picked it up and froze. I couldn't find any words. When I did try to speak, I was overwhelmed with anger and gut-wrenching anguish. I shouted, "If I throw this rock I am saying goodbye and that's something I don't want to do." Immediately I felt God whisper, "I'll help you, I'm here with you." So gradually I managed to articulate my thoughts and with one huge cry from my soul I launched this rock as hard as I could into the air. It's hard to describe what I felt but it did feel incredible. All that bottled up pain that had been in my soul for so long, came out in one breath! It was like all the weight I'd been carrying left me in one moment. WOW!!
Overjoyed I headed back to my car, and I have to say I've not felt that peaceful in quite a long time - if ever.
This could be the end of the story but I know it isn't. There is still the huge task of going to England in a few days time and this will be the first time I've been there and Mum hasn't been there with my Dad. I've no doubt that I will have plenty more processing to do but at least the beaches there have a LOT of rocks on them...
Finally, I wanted to spend some time reflecting on what I've learned about grief in all of this. It can hit you very hard, in ways you would never expect. It makes no announcement, like when you're at a station and you hear the voice of a recording saying when you should expect the train to arrive, it just turns up and smacks you in the face and there's nothing you can do to avoid it. It also comes at very odd moments, it's triggered by sounds, songs, memories and words. It makes no apologies for ruining your day. It doesn't let you off the hook. It's horrible but it's also incredibly necessary. What I've learned, is without grief, there is no reminder that you need time to reflect on what has happened. When you're hit by grief, you're given the opportunity to stop, cry, reflect and realise that you are in fact OK.
Bottling it up, pushing it down or just burying it is NOT the right thing to do but that's what I WAS doing. I thought I was good at dealing with it by saying, I'm good. But I wasn't. Dealing with it this way has not only hurt me but it's hurt those around me because when you hurt, you hurt others in the process. It's not done on purpose but if you don't recognise it, you drive a wedge between you and everyone else. It must be faced head on and it must be dealt with. So in a way, this blog is also a public apology to anyone I may have hurt along the process.
I've no doubt that in the weeks, months and years ahead I will grieve more, it's inevitable. But at least when it happens again, I'll know what to do. I can go back to that place, remember how I felt, pick up a rock, put all my hurt and pain into that rock, and hurl it into the tall grass.
I know that my journey may be very different to others as like I said at the beginning, everyone grieves differently but can I still encourage you by saying you are never alone in that place. Even if you think you are, you're not. Whether you believe in God or not is fine, but I know from my experience that He is very real and He wants to let you know that He's always there to help when noone else can. Even that in itself is a huge comfort.
I really hope this story has helped and encouraged you today.
Blessings, Adam
Sunday 6 October 2019
A true warrior in prayer
Since my last post in August 2018, there has been many changes in my life (most of which I will probably write about at some point) but by far the biggest change happened on October 1st, 2019. After putting up an incredible battle against many health issues for over five and half years, my amazing Mum died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 80.
I wanted to use this space to pay a tribute to her because I wanted to share what an incredible woman of faith she was and without her commitment to prayer each and every morning, my family simply wouldn't be what they are today. Through unthinkable physical pain towards her last days, she was pressing into God and literally praying for everyone; the nurses who were caring for her, other patients in the ward around her and of course, everybody else she had on her treasured list.
My Mum was a quiet soul, she kept herself to herself most of the time and humbly carried the burden of intercessory prayer for over 40 years. I say it's a burden because it takes great courage and commitment to devote every morning to prayer; life is so busy and also you open yourself up to the Enemy trying to do whatever he can to stop those prayers. You see, prayers are direct messages to God and they have unbelievable power. In Mark, in the Gospels, the disciples were trying to cast out a demon from a young boy, but they couldn't do it. Jesus said, "This type of powerful spirit can ONLY be cast out by fasting and prayer!"
Another important fact about Mum is that she didn’t know anything about Jesus until she gave her life to Him in the early 1970’s. In fact, she gave her life to Jesus on the same night as my Dad. While he was downstairs asking Jesus into his heart, my Mum was upstairs doing the same thing (they didn’t know each other was doing this either, which is hilarious). It was then that this incredible relationship started which makes her life even more of an example - to go from having no Christian upbringing and no experience of God, let alone Jesus and faith, to having an intimate relationship with Jesus is really quite remarkable. Prayer and Jesus was what my Mum devoted more time to than any other pursuit.
Jesus also taught a lot on prayer and the importance of being alone in a room where no-one can see you (Matthew 6:6), because prayer is so personal. Mum used to shut herself in the bedroom, open up her prayer diary and Bible and would start to pray. She would start with family, then relatives, then close friends and then gradually her metaphorical prayer fishing net would get wider and wider. She did this every day. Nothing could stop her. Why? Because each prayer she prayed was being answered - sometimes straight away, and sometimes a few years later. Some might say that it was just coincidence her prayers were being answered, but because she wrote down exactly what she was praying there was no way it could be. She had a friend in the form of the Holy Spirit who was right there with her, nodding and agreeing and doing what she was asking.
I say a friend because I also don't know anyone else who's had the physical Jesus turn up in their sitting room and dance with them, like He did with my Mum, too. My Dad was on his way back home after being away at teacher's training college and my Mum was on her own (kids were in bed) in the sitting room and she felt the Holy Spirit breathe on her and she started dancing. When she opened her eyes, there in front of her was Jesus who picked her up and swung her around and they danced for a long time. When Dad got home he found my Mum slumped in an armchair and he rushed over and asked if she was ok. In typical Mum fashion she said, "yer (in her Birmingham accent) of course, I was dancing with Jesus!" Every time I tell this, it's impossible not to be in tears. It's truly astonishing.
One thing my Mum struggled with, more than anything, was her appearance. I'm not sure why as she was very slim and always looked absolutely immaculate but for some reason she would get really upset if her hair wasn't right, or she spilt something on her or it was windy... whatever the reason was, she did try so hard with this image identity thing but in silence most of the time. I remember one morning as we sat in the car, waiting to leave for church (Mum was always the last out of the door), when she got in the car she was laughing. Dad asked what was going on, and she said that she was looking in the mirror at herself when the voice of God came and spoke to her and said, "You look beautiful today, Jenny!" He knew more than anyone the struggles she was having but knew exactly what to say and when to say it. This is just another story to show what an intimate relationship Mum had with her Father in Heaven.
Another thing I remember is that she always had a secret stash of cash, which I'm not sure where it came from. My brother would get me to ask Mum for money for football stickers and she always said yes and had a couple of pound coins in her purse. This might not sound a lot, but as a family we had gone through some very hard financial challenges so the fact she had money to spare was a miracle in itself.
She also loved her worship music. Whenever I came home from school there would be worship music playing and she'd be somewhere in the house whistling away to the music. Interestingly, I never ever saw my Mum whistle. Even that was private to her, haha. But she also loved some secular bands. Her favourite was Elbow and particularly their song, 'One Day Like This', my Dad would often joke with the kids and literally throw the curtains wide during the chorus when the singer sings "throw those curtains wide". This usually annoyed my house proud mum, but I'm sure she'd secretly laugh about it when we weren't looking!
Now, I could go on with many stories of how Mum blessed us and others around her, but she truly amazed us and everyone who was around her in her last years. In 2014 she was diagnosed with a condition called vasculitis, which causes an inflammation of the blood vessels and can lead to blood supply being cut off to organs, and it was very aggressive. It attacked Mum so much that it shut her kidneys down to 5 per cent efficiency. She was told she'd need to be on dialysis for the rest of her life. Mum had never really been ill and she'd spent many years praying for our health so somehow it didn't seem fair. But we got our church to pray and my Dad and siblings got their churches to pray and everyone else we knew. Within four weeks her kidneys were back to 100 per cent efficiency!! Incredible. The doctors were not quite sure how it happened but asked Mum to "keep doing what she was doing because it was obviously working". She said, "it's prayer, that's all." She was defiant, as always.
However, because vasculitis is a disease it remained in her blood and although Mum recovered enough to be at my sister's wedding, Mum was never totally free of it and there was a worrying rash on her leg that was growing. Within a week she was in intensive care with viral meningitis, shingles and vasculitis, all at the same time. But, incredibly she survived. She said throughout the whole ordeal she was praying constantly and incredibly the one thing that kept her alive was her KIDNEYS! Apparently, they were so efficient that they helped get rid of all the nasties! Amazing!
Another thing my Dad noticed was her hair, for many years she was worried about it turning grey (remember what I said about her image worries) but somehow during her illness her hair stopped turning grey and started to grow in light brown. Thank you Jesus.
For the next three and half years Mum's life drastically changed. She was either in bed or in a wheelchair, the meningitis had caused her to lose the feeling in her legs (which gradually started to come back) and also caused crippling neurological pain in her left arm, as well as causing her to put on a lot of weight from the medication and not being able to walk. My Dad cared for her non stop and their house became a maze of medical equipment. Mum was particularly house proud and everything needed to be in its place. This was so hard for her but with daily care from the health service and Dad's attention she carried on praying and battling every day until the end. She inspired every single person she met with her iron-clad faith and would always have a classic sarcastic quip to say if something was annoying her. I had the privilege of being able to fly back from Australia to see her smiling in her last few weeks.
In the early hours of October 1st, Mum was finally called home. She was asleep in the hospital and her heart rate dropped slowly as well as her breathing and then she went to be with her Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (and all the other heroes in Heaven). The legacy of all of her prayers will live on for literally generations and she will always be remembered as the humble servant who prayed every day of her Christian life, who honoured her husband, children, and who loved unconditionally. She was a prayer giant and I'm forever grateful for her.
Lastly, in the evening after Mum passed away we were praying as a family, my wife, my kids and myself, giving God the praise for my Mum. My son who's 14 said he had been given a vision of her meeting Jesus. When my son wrote it down and read it to us it was one of the most profound pictures I've ever heard of not only the character of Jesus but the assurance that what Mum believed in, wasn't a waste of time. It was real, and her Saviour was, too. So to finish this tribute, I'd like to share my son's picture with you all.
"Me and my family were talking about my Nana who had just passed away and were talking about all of the memories we had as a family. I looked up at the ceiling while talking and I see my Nana in her wheelchair and I see her get up out of it and she starts to walk. As she walks, I see all the fat on her body drain away and this huge bright light came as if it was the sun exploding before her. A man on a white horse came with a white beard, hair, robe and had fiery eyes with greens, blues, reds and yellows. He came down off the horse and came to her and showed her all of heaven.
"After that vision, I looked around the room and looked at the coffee table in the middle of the room. I could see a hologram of the world and Jesus and my Nana were there talking about all her adventures around the globe and how she wished she could've gone to Australia to see the beauty (one of her last desires). Then Jesus said, "I will show you better!" After that Jesus showed her all that had gone wrong inside my Nana's body and was telling her all about it. After that experience/vision it was dead silent in the house.
"Then I could hear this sound. I looked up to see where it was coming from and so I looked at the middle of the table again and I saw my Nana and Jesus dancing to the song 'One Day Like This' by Elbow. Angels were signing it to her loudly. Then the chorus "Throw those curtains wide" came on and I could see my Nana opening the gates of Heaven wide open and seeing everyone else in the Kingdom of God."
Thank you Mum for all the memories. I love you and miss you.
Your son,
Adam
I wanted to use this space to pay a tribute to her because I wanted to share what an incredible woman of faith she was and without her commitment to prayer each and every morning, my family simply wouldn't be what they are today. Through unthinkable physical pain towards her last days, she was pressing into God and literally praying for everyone; the nurses who were caring for her, other patients in the ward around her and of course, everybody else she had on her treasured list.
My Mum was a quiet soul, she kept herself to herself most of the time and humbly carried the burden of intercessory prayer for over 40 years. I say it's a burden because it takes great courage and commitment to devote every morning to prayer; life is so busy and also you open yourself up to the Enemy trying to do whatever he can to stop those prayers. You see, prayers are direct messages to God and they have unbelievable power. In Mark, in the Gospels, the disciples were trying to cast out a demon from a young boy, but they couldn't do it. Jesus said, "This type of powerful spirit can ONLY be cast out by fasting and prayer!"
Another important fact about Mum is that she didn’t know anything about Jesus until she gave her life to Him in the early 1970’s. In fact, she gave her life to Jesus on the same night as my Dad. While he was downstairs asking Jesus into his heart, my Mum was upstairs doing the same thing (they didn’t know each other was doing this either, which is hilarious). It was then that this incredible relationship started which makes her life even more of an example - to go from having no Christian upbringing and no experience of God, let alone Jesus and faith, to having an intimate relationship with Jesus is really quite remarkable. Prayer and Jesus was what my Mum devoted more time to than any other pursuit.
Jesus also taught a lot on prayer and the importance of being alone in a room where no-one can see you (Matthew 6:6), because prayer is so personal. Mum used to shut herself in the bedroom, open up her prayer diary and Bible and would start to pray. She would start with family, then relatives, then close friends and then gradually her metaphorical prayer fishing net would get wider and wider. She did this every day. Nothing could stop her. Why? Because each prayer she prayed was being answered - sometimes straight away, and sometimes a few years later. Some might say that it was just coincidence her prayers were being answered, but because she wrote down exactly what she was praying there was no way it could be. She had a friend in the form of the Holy Spirit who was right there with her, nodding and agreeing and doing what she was asking.
I say a friend because I also don't know anyone else who's had the physical Jesus turn up in their sitting room and dance with them, like He did with my Mum, too. My Dad was on his way back home after being away at teacher's training college and my Mum was on her own (kids were in bed) in the sitting room and she felt the Holy Spirit breathe on her and she started dancing. When she opened her eyes, there in front of her was Jesus who picked her up and swung her around and they danced for a long time. When Dad got home he found my Mum slumped in an armchair and he rushed over and asked if she was ok. In typical Mum fashion she said, "yer (in her Birmingham accent) of course, I was dancing with Jesus!" Every time I tell this, it's impossible not to be in tears. It's truly astonishing.
One thing my Mum struggled with, more than anything, was her appearance. I'm not sure why as she was very slim and always looked absolutely immaculate but for some reason she would get really upset if her hair wasn't right, or she spilt something on her or it was windy... whatever the reason was, she did try so hard with this image identity thing but in silence most of the time. I remember one morning as we sat in the car, waiting to leave for church (Mum was always the last out of the door), when she got in the car she was laughing. Dad asked what was going on, and she said that she was looking in the mirror at herself when the voice of God came and spoke to her and said, "You look beautiful today, Jenny!" He knew more than anyone the struggles she was having but knew exactly what to say and when to say it. This is just another story to show what an intimate relationship Mum had with her Father in Heaven.
Another thing I remember is that she always had a secret stash of cash, which I'm not sure where it came from. My brother would get me to ask Mum for money for football stickers and she always said yes and had a couple of pound coins in her purse. This might not sound a lot, but as a family we had gone through some very hard financial challenges so the fact she had money to spare was a miracle in itself.
She also loved her worship music. Whenever I came home from school there would be worship music playing and she'd be somewhere in the house whistling away to the music. Interestingly, I never ever saw my Mum whistle. Even that was private to her, haha. But she also loved some secular bands. Her favourite was Elbow and particularly their song, 'One Day Like This', my Dad would often joke with the kids and literally throw the curtains wide during the chorus when the singer sings "throw those curtains wide". This usually annoyed my house proud mum, but I'm sure she'd secretly laugh about it when we weren't looking!
Now, I could go on with many stories of how Mum blessed us and others around her, but she truly amazed us and everyone who was around her in her last years. In 2014 she was diagnosed with a condition called vasculitis, which causes an inflammation of the blood vessels and can lead to blood supply being cut off to organs, and it was very aggressive. It attacked Mum so much that it shut her kidneys down to 5 per cent efficiency. She was told she'd need to be on dialysis for the rest of her life. Mum had never really been ill and she'd spent many years praying for our health so somehow it didn't seem fair. But we got our church to pray and my Dad and siblings got their churches to pray and everyone else we knew. Within four weeks her kidneys were back to 100 per cent efficiency!! Incredible. The doctors were not quite sure how it happened but asked Mum to "keep doing what she was doing because it was obviously working". She said, "it's prayer, that's all." She was defiant, as always.
However, because vasculitis is a disease it remained in her blood and although Mum recovered enough to be at my sister's wedding, Mum was never totally free of it and there was a worrying rash on her leg that was growing. Within a week she was in intensive care with viral meningitis, shingles and vasculitis, all at the same time. But, incredibly she survived. She said throughout the whole ordeal she was praying constantly and incredibly the one thing that kept her alive was her KIDNEYS! Apparently, they were so efficient that they helped get rid of all the nasties! Amazing!
Another thing my Dad noticed was her hair, for many years she was worried about it turning grey (remember what I said about her image worries) but somehow during her illness her hair stopped turning grey and started to grow in light brown. Thank you Jesus.
For the next three and half years Mum's life drastically changed. She was either in bed or in a wheelchair, the meningitis had caused her to lose the feeling in her legs (which gradually started to come back) and also caused crippling neurological pain in her left arm, as well as causing her to put on a lot of weight from the medication and not being able to walk. My Dad cared for her non stop and their house became a maze of medical equipment. Mum was particularly house proud and everything needed to be in its place. This was so hard for her but with daily care from the health service and Dad's attention she carried on praying and battling every day until the end. She inspired every single person she met with her iron-clad faith and would always have a classic sarcastic quip to say if something was annoying her. I had the privilege of being able to fly back from Australia to see her smiling in her last few weeks.
In the early hours of October 1st, Mum was finally called home. She was asleep in the hospital and her heart rate dropped slowly as well as her breathing and then she went to be with her Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ (and all the other heroes in Heaven). The legacy of all of her prayers will live on for literally generations and she will always be remembered as the humble servant who prayed every day of her Christian life, who honoured her husband, children, and who loved unconditionally. She was a prayer giant and I'm forever grateful for her.
Lastly, in the evening after Mum passed away we were praying as a family, my wife, my kids and myself, giving God the praise for my Mum. My son who's 14 said he had been given a vision of her meeting Jesus. When my son wrote it down and read it to us it was one of the most profound pictures I've ever heard of not only the character of Jesus but the assurance that what Mum believed in, wasn't a waste of time. It was real, and her Saviour was, too. So to finish this tribute, I'd like to share my son's picture with you all.
"Me and my family were talking about my Nana who had just passed away and were talking about all of the memories we had as a family. I looked up at the ceiling while talking and I see my Nana in her wheelchair and I see her get up out of it and she starts to walk. As she walks, I see all the fat on her body drain away and this huge bright light came as if it was the sun exploding before her. A man on a white horse came with a white beard, hair, robe and had fiery eyes with greens, blues, reds and yellows. He came down off the horse and came to her and showed her all of heaven.
"After that vision, I looked around the room and looked at the coffee table in the middle of the room. I could see a hologram of the world and Jesus and my Nana were there talking about all her adventures around the globe and how she wished she could've gone to Australia to see the beauty (one of her last desires). Then Jesus said, "I will show you better!" After that Jesus showed her all that had gone wrong inside my Nana's body and was telling her all about it. After that experience/vision it was dead silent in the house.
"Then I could hear this sound. I looked up to see where it was coming from and so I looked at the middle of the table again and I saw my Nana and Jesus dancing to the song 'One Day Like This' by Elbow. Angels were signing it to her loudly. Then the chorus "Throw those curtains wide" came on and I could see my Nana opening the gates of Heaven wide open and seeing everyone else in the Kingdom of God."
Thank you Mum for all the memories. I love you and miss you.
Your son,
Adam
Tuesday 14 August 2018
If faith can move the mountains, then let the mountains move!
Since my last post in April my life could not look any more different.
In my last update I said that I felt it was time to drop my metaphorical nets onto the other side of the boat and change my career from construction back into writing. Not more than three weeks after that blog post I was offered a full time job as a journalist in Sydney!
Some might say I was lucky, while others might comment that I was in the right place at the right time. But I don't 'do' luck! What happened was I took a step of faith, knowing full well I had not been in journalism for 14 years, and that faith allowed me to step forward knowing that I was safe to do so. I can't quite explain the euphoria I felt when I was offered the job but it was incredible, I can tell you.
The significance in all of this is that when I laid down my writing career back in 2004 to pursue this Australian adventure, I had literally no idea when I would ever get back into writing full time, but I had received a prophetic word from my Dad to say that one day it would come back to me, so I just believed it would.
When I had my first interview for this role I'm, in I could have fallen off my chair when the interviewer said, "I think the fact you've been out of journalism for 14 years is irrelevant - you're clearly an experienced writer and that's why you're here." I mean, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?
One of the things which was cited as a reason for me having a better shot at this new job was this blog. Apparently because I'd 'kept writing' it showed that I had not given up on my dream. To be honest, I feel quite emotional even writing this because this blog came from nowhere. I even called it a stupid name because I thought no-one would read my ramblings, but they have, all around the globe! Who knew that when I started this blog, telling people about all the amazing things God has done in my life, that it would also present itself as a reason for me to get back into writing? I certainly didn't!
All I am saying is that something in me just didn't let go to God's promises. I didn't doubt that God wouldn't let me down but I certainly, as the years rolled on, began wondering when this would come back. But it did, and I'm here right now doing what I love to do. Faith really does move mountains.
I hope this has encouraged you today. Keep believing and don't let go. He's got this.
Blessings.
In my last update I said that I felt it was time to drop my metaphorical nets onto the other side of the boat and change my career from construction back into writing. Not more than three weeks after that blog post I was offered a full time job as a journalist in Sydney!
Some might say I was lucky, while others might comment that I was in the right place at the right time. But I don't 'do' luck! What happened was I took a step of faith, knowing full well I had not been in journalism for 14 years, and that faith allowed me to step forward knowing that I was safe to do so. I can't quite explain the euphoria I felt when I was offered the job but it was incredible, I can tell you.
The significance in all of this is that when I laid down my writing career back in 2004 to pursue this Australian adventure, I had literally no idea when I would ever get back into writing full time, but I had received a prophetic word from my Dad to say that one day it would come back to me, so I just believed it would.
When I had my first interview for this role I'm, in I could have fallen off my chair when the interviewer said, "I think the fact you've been out of journalism for 14 years is irrelevant - you're clearly an experienced writer and that's why you're here." I mean, it doesn't get much better than that, does it?
One of the things which was cited as a reason for me having a better shot at this new job was this blog. Apparently because I'd 'kept writing' it showed that I had not given up on my dream. To be honest, I feel quite emotional even writing this because this blog came from nowhere. I even called it a stupid name because I thought no-one would read my ramblings, but they have, all around the globe! Who knew that when I started this blog, telling people about all the amazing things God has done in my life, that it would also present itself as a reason for me to get back into writing? I certainly didn't!
All I am saying is that something in me just didn't let go to God's promises. I didn't doubt that God wouldn't let me down but I certainly, as the years rolled on, began wondering when this would come back. But it did, and I'm here right now doing what I love to do. Faith really does move mountains.
I hope this has encouraged you today. Keep believing and don't let go. He's got this.
Blessings.
Wednesday 11 April 2018
Throwing Nets On The Other Side
A couple of weeks ago, I told an amazing story. It was about a bunch of hardened fisherman from Northern Ireland who were told about Jesus and the miracles that He did. Not long after hearing about this historical miracle maker, the guys went out, as they always did, and cast their nets. What happened next was incredible. They caught so many fish that their boat became weighed down and they all surrendered their lives to Jesus. The picture is below.
This story immediately took me to the story in the Bible of Simon Peter. He and his fishermen mates had gone out all night and had not caught a thing. Jesus was standing on the shore as they made their way back and He shouted to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?" "NO!" They shouted back to Him, not knowing at this moment that it was Jesus. "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." Jesus said.
Just try to imagine, if you will, yourself as the fisherman in this story. Firstly, it's the audacity of being told by someone who isn't doing what you are doing or isn't going through what you are going through, to try again but in a completely wrong way to what you're used to. I'd be like; "you have no idea, mate. Thanks but no thanks." Simon Peter and his colleagues would have had a routine, a strict way of fishing and would probably have been extremely tired and angry that they didn't have a catch. So not in a good place to hear themselves or their method being put into question.
Secondly, it's the way they respond, in this story, which I find even stranger. They just went for it. No questions asked but the attitude of, 'what's the worst that could happen?' Don't you find this a little strange, like I do? I can only assume that there was such authority in Jesus' voice that these guys did what He asked of them. When they did what Jesus asked, they struggled to contain the amount of fish - a bit like our Irish friends.
But then, for me, the most amazing thing happens. After being obedient to the Lord's call to do something which pushed their better judgement, Jesus asks them for some of the fish and cooks up a mean breakfast. Not only does this speak of Jesus honouring obedience with rewards but it also underpins the fact that He DOES understand when we face trials and knows what to do to put everything right. Even if we have made the same mistake over and over again. When we face trials are we standing aside and asking God for help and direction or are we still fishing in the same barren waters?
I've been in the same situation as the disciples many times. I have not only kept doing what I think is right and not obeying God's voice, but I haven't asked for help or direction. This always, inevitably, leads to discontentment.
But the thing I love about God is that He then doesn't judge me when I completely mess it up. When I go to Him and say I'm sorry, there is no 'I told you so' but utter love and acceptance and a fresh chance to be obedient. Think of how Peter was feeling at the moment he walked onto the beach and recognised Jesus. He had denied he ever knew Jesus not too long ago but here he was, being cooked for and then Jesus reinstates him completely. This is such a wonderful story of grace and redemption.
Two weeks ago I felt I'd heard God ask me to throw my nets on the other side. The idea of going back into writing was almost ludicrous, especially as I hadn't been involved in the industry since before I got married, 14 years ago. But God wasn't asking me for anything impossible, He was asking me to trust Him. I had been casting my nets on the same side, over and over again. All I seemed to be catching were scraps of junk and lots of closed doors. So, like the disciples, I put aside all my so-called knowledge and threw my nets over the other side of my metaphorical boat.
Well, if you'd have told me there and then that I'd publish my first children's story online and be asked to help start up a motoring news website in the first two days of going self employed as a writer, I'd have laughed very hard. But this has happened. God honoured my faith to trust Him and presented a fresh opportunity to take back which I felt to lay down all those years ago. He is just so kind.
So the story about throwing nets over the other side of the boat is not so much about the quantity of fish, but it's really about how much faith we have in God that when He says 'do it' we simply say 'yes'.
What are you trusting God for? What things have you been doing over and over again to try and see an answer but it just hasn't happened? Go to the Father and ask Him to show you what you actually need to do and He will tell you. He did that with the disciples, He did it with me, He's done it for countless others and He will do it for you.
It's what He does best.
Blessings!
This story immediately took me to the story in the Bible of Simon Peter. He and his fishermen mates had gone out all night and had not caught a thing. Jesus was standing on the shore as they made their way back and He shouted to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?" "NO!" They shouted back to Him, not knowing at this moment that it was Jesus. "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." Jesus said.
Just try to imagine, if you will, yourself as the fisherman in this story. Firstly, it's the audacity of being told by someone who isn't doing what you are doing or isn't going through what you are going through, to try again but in a completely wrong way to what you're used to. I'd be like; "you have no idea, mate. Thanks but no thanks." Simon Peter and his colleagues would have had a routine, a strict way of fishing and would probably have been extremely tired and angry that they didn't have a catch. So not in a good place to hear themselves or their method being put into question.
Secondly, it's the way they respond, in this story, which I find even stranger. They just went for it. No questions asked but the attitude of, 'what's the worst that could happen?' Don't you find this a little strange, like I do? I can only assume that there was such authority in Jesus' voice that these guys did what He asked of them. When they did what Jesus asked, they struggled to contain the amount of fish - a bit like our Irish friends.
But then, for me, the most amazing thing happens. After being obedient to the Lord's call to do something which pushed their better judgement, Jesus asks them for some of the fish and cooks up a mean breakfast. Not only does this speak of Jesus honouring obedience with rewards but it also underpins the fact that He DOES understand when we face trials and knows what to do to put everything right. Even if we have made the same mistake over and over again. When we face trials are we standing aside and asking God for help and direction or are we still fishing in the same barren waters?
I've been in the same situation as the disciples many times. I have not only kept doing what I think is right and not obeying God's voice, but I haven't asked for help or direction. This always, inevitably, leads to discontentment.
"Peter disowned Jesus but Jesus cooked Peter breakfast and reinstated him."
But the thing I love about God is that He then doesn't judge me when I completely mess it up. When I go to Him and say I'm sorry, there is no 'I told you so' but utter love and acceptance and a fresh chance to be obedient. Think of how Peter was feeling at the moment he walked onto the beach and recognised Jesus. He had denied he ever knew Jesus not too long ago but here he was, being cooked for and then Jesus reinstates him completely. This is such a wonderful story of grace and redemption.
Two weeks ago I felt I'd heard God ask me to throw my nets on the other side. The idea of going back into writing was almost ludicrous, especially as I hadn't been involved in the industry since before I got married, 14 years ago. But God wasn't asking me for anything impossible, He was asking me to trust Him. I had been casting my nets on the same side, over and over again. All I seemed to be catching were scraps of junk and lots of closed doors. So, like the disciples, I put aside all my so-called knowledge and threw my nets over the other side of my metaphorical boat.
Well, if you'd have told me there and then that I'd publish my first children's story online and be asked to help start up a motoring news website in the first two days of going self employed as a writer, I'd have laughed very hard. But this has happened. God honoured my faith to trust Him and presented a fresh opportunity to take back which I felt to lay down all those years ago. He is just so kind.
So the story about throwing nets over the other side of the boat is not so much about the quantity of fish, but it's really about how much faith we have in God that when He says 'do it' we simply say 'yes'.
What are you trusting God for? What things have you been doing over and over again to try and see an answer but it just hasn't happened? Go to the Father and ask Him to show you what you actually need to do and He will tell you. He did that with the disciples, He did it with me, He's done it for countless others and He will do it for you.
It's what He does best.
Blessings!
Tuesday 3 April 2018
Walking Out of the Forest
It's been one year and 11 months since my last post on here. I'm not sure where the time went but all I know is a lot has changed since I last wrote anything on this blog.
When I last wrote, my family and I were living in Dee Why in the Northern Beaches of Sydney and I was working for a large shopping mall company, which I loved. However there were many frustrations which I didn't speak about because I was trying to process everything. As a family we were still trying to establish why we were living in such an expensive part of the world and for some reason we weren't connecting with people or our local church in the way we thought we would. It's difficult to explain but it felt like hard work all the time. I guess sometimes my wife and I would try and take a step back and say, "what is going on?"
As well as the difficulty of establishing relationships, working out our place in the church and where we were living, we were also finding life very tough financially due to the stupidly high rent costs in the Northern Beaches. This was adding to the stress of the moment and I guess it was dogged determination which saw us through right up until May 2017. Sadly by this time we had reached breaking point. I had changed jobs, my wife wasn't happy in hers and it just all got too much. But bizarrely we still felt that we were meant to be in Australia. Something HAD to change. So we began crying out to God for something to happen. Not more than 8 weeks later, it did.
One weekend we made a decision to drive up to the Central Coast (about an hour and a half from Dee Why). We wanted to have a look as some friends of ours had moved there and they'd said it was amazing but we wanted to see for ourselves. When we arrived we ended up driving down a little road and at the end was this giant lake. The water looked like a mirror and it was as vast as the eyes could see. But even more incredible that the view, was the sense of utter peace. For the first time in a long time it just felt like we could breathe. It was amazing. Not much was said but we knew in our hearts that maybe we should come back one day.
About a week later, my wife was at home and she was watching a YouTube clip from Bethel Church's worship conference and Brian and Jenn Johnson were interviewing Mark and Darlene Zschech. They were talking about a church they were leading and my wife was instantly moved by their hearts around what leadership is and she was blown away by it. It was during this video that my wife found out that the church that Mark and Darlene were running was based in the Central Coast in a place called Charmhaven. We'd never heard of it but agreed that maybe we should go and check it out.
So on May 7th, 2017, we drove to Charmhaven and arrived at Hope Unlimited Church (Hope UC). As we pulled into the carpark there were Kangaroos sitting there looking at us; I remember it as clear as day. We were, like, 'what are they doing there?' - turns out they just 'live' there. So with an edge of excitement we got out of the car and made our way into the doors of Hope UC for the first time. Instantly we were greeted by warmth, kindness and a sense of belonging. It's quite hard to explain but I remember feeling quite overwhelmed by the instant feeling we had.
During the service, PS Darlene was bringing the word and mentioned that she was in Brighton (UK) with Martin Smith (a world renowned worship leader) and I remember thinking; 'we've only been here for an hour and already my home town is being spoken about and the person in the story is someone I know...'. At this point, my wife taps me on the shoulder and says, "That's Kirsty's friend, Hayley, at the back - I'm going to go and say hello...". I was a bit confused and asked her how she knew and she said she'd seen Hayley's picture on Facebook. The next thing I know they are hugging and laughing. It turned out it was a friend of a friend who we knew from the UK, who'd married an Aussie and moved here several years ago. It's a small world sometimes, really.
That afternoon as we drove home we had a very strange feeling. One of disappointment that we were driving away from the Central Coast and would be heading back to familiarity, and the other of excitement because none of us knew what was going to happen next. However, our kids loved the Northern Beaches and my wife and I knew that God would have to change their hearts in order for us to move. So we left it to Him and started our week.
Two days later I was praying and asking God for a word for me so I'd know that this was from Him. Randomly I got sent a verse from the bible in a text message from a close friend; it said this: "So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Jesus Christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does." 1 Peter 5:8 - 11 MSG. I mean, WOW. Like, seriously. My mind was blown and I felt an utter sense of peace that I should begin to push doors and see if this Central Coast thing would happen.
At this time I was working on a large building site and hating every moment of it. I felt no sense of purpose and was just turning up day after day. But just after our amazing weekend in the Central Coast I felt an air of excitement about looking forward and so I updated my profile on Seek (a job page) and within an hour had a phone call about a job in the Central Coast. I was asked a few questions and whether I was interested and I said yes, absolutely. Within two weeks I had quit my job and was offered the Central Coast role to start in June. We were on our way, it seemed.
While this was going on, my wife was chatting with my son one day and out of the blue he said, "Mum, if you and Dad think you need to move, I'm OK with that." I mean this was such a wow moment because God was in the process of changing out kids hearts for the move just like we'd asked him too. It was amazing.
The next part of the story is a bit of a blur. Not because I can't remember what happened but because it happened so quickly. I'll try and summarise what God did, in a few lines. Oh, this all happened in the space of two weeks...
1. We broke our lease and found a new tenant within a week
2. We applied to rent a particular house in Mardi on a Saturday morning and we approved on the Monday
3. Our son was offered a place in a new school, the same day we were approved for the rental
4. We were given a moving out date, earlier than anticipated
5. My new boss offered to loan me a company truck so that I didn't have to spend money hiring one
6. I was given the day off on the Friday to move in
7. By Sunday we were moved in and at Hope UC
The way I gauge whether God's plans are lining up with my dreams or not is by the speed at which He works. Sometimes He is VERY slow to do anything. Not to necessarily delay the process but because maybe He wants me to learn something new in the extended time frame before allowing me to move forward. Sometimes He is very fast. This is when His timing for change lines up with my changed heart and everything clicks. Sometimes, I wish that my heart would always be in the right place, but thank you Jesus for grace, I am not a finished work but He knows this and loves me anyway.
So we had now moved. We felt like we were on holiday. The sense of rest and peace was extraordinary and as bizarre as it sounds, we just knew we'd make really good friendships here as everyone we spoke to had similar stories to us. Stories of struggle, pain and blessing. These people had all gone through much and yet had seen incredible blessing and favour waiting for them at the other end of the hallway. We just knew that God had brought us to the right place and that now we could start putting down deep roots.
For me personally, however, despite all the joy of moving, connecting in the church, joining the worship team, seeing my kids growing in Godly stature, seeing my wife have the community she craved for so long now all around her; my heart was still feeling restless. You see, when all this Australia thing happened (see my blog post called Launchpad) back in 2004, I laid down my career in writing to go into construction, and that change of career ultimately lead to us getting a visa. Although I had always known God was in that decision, the last four years in the construction industry in Australia were horrible and I had never felt settled in it. Just one look at my resume you'll see I've had more jobs in four years than I had in 10 years in the UK. Now that old feeling of restlessness had come back over Christmas and I was dreading going back to work. But one night God gave me a dream.
In the dream (it started as soon as I closed my eyes - so I don't know if I was asleep or awake) I found myself standing on the edge of a forest. The trees were all choked up with thick thorns and it was incredibly dense - I couldn't really see into it and it looked a mess. But in front of me was the widest open place I'd ever seen. I could see luscious green fields, a lake and in the distance a beautiful mountain range. The air was fresh and I could literally feel wind on my face. I felt so free.
As I was seeing all of this, I was also thinking to myself; 'how did I get here? Is this a dream? It feels so real. I need to open my eyes!' So I did. I was back in my bed and only a few minutes had passed in literal time. I mean, what the heck was that all about?
I was so freaked out by the dream that I didn't tell anyone about it. I have a prophetic gift and have had dreams and visions in the past, but this was so real and almost unexplainable, so I was left perplexed and asked God to tell me what it was all about before sharing it with anyone. But I got nothing, for days. In the end I told my wife about the dream and she said that maybe I needed to wait a little longer for the answer, so I did.
About two weeks later I was praying with some men from our church and God began to talk to me about the dream. He said; "The forest behind you is your life. It has become thick with confusion and when you are in the midst of it, you cannot see a way out but you know I'm there with you. The wide open space in front of you is what I have planned for you. No limitations, no compromising, no boundaries. It is also a place of rest I am calling you into. The choice is yours though. You either look back and go back into the forest, or you enjoy this new season." Wow. I mean, what do you say to that, apart from 'YES LORD!'
Not long after this I began to feel such a sense of discontentment at work and this nothing really to do with my employer but more about me asking God about where I needed to be. One thing I knew for sure was that God had us at Hope UC for a reason. He had brought us to an area of the Central Coast where He really wanted us to be involved and stuck into the community and in my current work environment there was pressure on me to be travelling and away from home, this was something I did't want to happen as it had happened before in Melbourne and it was hideous. I kept telling myself, God only moves forward, not backwards. He would not allow me to head back into the forest if His plans were to prosper me.
One night, my wife and I prayed that if my current role was not right God would shut the door. Three days later He did. I was told that my employer would be looking for someone else as my interests didn't line up with the company any longer. I was given a weeks notice.
Now, in the real world, this kind of news would be devastating to anyone. Losing a job is not good at any time. But my wife and I knew, without any shadow of a doubt, that God was in this. If He had shut the door, another one would open. We felt peace wash over us and I left my job with my head held high. That was four weeks ago.
About three days later, I picked up a new job working on a production line, making timber roof trusses. The pay was shocking but I needed the money. Five days later I was told I was no longer required because I was 'too smart and too old'! What does that actually mean? So I was left scratching my head and asking God to just give me a little wisdom in knowing His heart - I literally didn't have a clue. The only glimpse on the horizon was an interview for a construction job, but this was in Sydney. Was this the answer to our prayers or another distraction? We asked God to shut the door if it was a dead end. He did. I was told that I didn't have enough experience - fair enough. I wasn't trained in project management anyway. But then it hit me...
I have been professionally trained in something. I do have a passion for something which I had once laid down for God and His plans for us as a family. Half of my working life was devoted to this passion. That passion is writing. Writing is my favourite waste of time. Writing is what I love to do the most. Writing is the overflow of my heart. I LOVE writing.
After this wave of excitement I had a quick peek on a job site to see what writers get paid these days - I was pleasantly surprised. In fact it was much better than what I had thought it would be. Plus with my previous experience, surely someone would see past the last 8 years of construction and pick me up from where I left off? So I called a writing agency to find out. Again, I was pleasantly surprised. Apparently, because I had been keeping this blog, that was technically classed as writing on a regular basis and because I had previously had written work published I stood a very good chance of getting back into the writing game...
So this, my friends, brings me to today. Literally as I am writing this sentence I am beginning a new journey and have decided to pursue my dream and vision to write for a living. I do not have crazy plans to drop everything and 'just see what happens' but I have a vision to see this gift, which I believe was given to me when I was at school, be used for God's glory in whatever context He chooses. It's time for me to let go of the steering wheel, let God take over, and just rest and enjoy the ride. I am hoping that you will come on this journey with me.
Just one final thing to say before I sign off; thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, supported us and championed us in this journey in Australia. It has been one crazy ride but God has remained faithful along every step of the way. Sometimes it is incredibly hard to live out a life of faith but when you fix your eyes on Jesus, everything seems that little bit easier. He is always good. He doesn't want us to remain in a forest, He wants us to experience His wide open space. My prayer for you is that this blog has inspired you to keep trusting Him, your season of unanswered questions will not last long. His plans are always perfect.
Blessings!
When I last wrote, my family and I were living in Dee Why in the Northern Beaches of Sydney and I was working for a large shopping mall company, which I loved. However there were many frustrations which I didn't speak about because I was trying to process everything. As a family we were still trying to establish why we were living in such an expensive part of the world and for some reason we weren't connecting with people or our local church in the way we thought we would. It's difficult to explain but it felt like hard work all the time. I guess sometimes my wife and I would try and take a step back and say, "what is going on?"
As well as the difficulty of establishing relationships, working out our place in the church and where we were living, we were also finding life very tough financially due to the stupidly high rent costs in the Northern Beaches. This was adding to the stress of the moment and I guess it was dogged determination which saw us through right up until May 2017. Sadly by this time we had reached breaking point. I had changed jobs, my wife wasn't happy in hers and it just all got too much. But bizarrely we still felt that we were meant to be in Australia. Something HAD to change. So we began crying out to God for something to happen. Not more than 8 weeks later, it did.
One weekend we made a decision to drive up to the Central Coast (about an hour and a half from Dee Why). We wanted to have a look as some friends of ours had moved there and they'd said it was amazing but we wanted to see for ourselves. When we arrived we ended up driving down a little road and at the end was this giant lake. The water looked like a mirror and it was as vast as the eyes could see. But even more incredible that the view, was the sense of utter peace. For the first time in a long time it just felt like we could breathe. It was amazing. Not much was said but we knew in our hearts that maybe we should come back one day.
About a week later, my wife was at home and she was watching a YouTube clip from Bethel Church's worship conference and Brian and Jenn Johnson were interviewing Mark and Darlene Zschech. They were talking about a church they were leading and my wife was instantly moved by their hearts around what leadership is and she was blown away by it. It was during this video that my wife found out that the church that Mark and Darlene were running was based in the Central Coast in a place called Charmhaven. We'd never heard of it but agreed that maybe we should go and check it out.
So on May 7th, 2017, we drove to Charmhaven and arrived at Hope Unlimited Church (Hope UC). As we pulled into the carpark there were Kangaroos sitting there looking at us; I remember it as clear as day. We were, like, 'what are they doing there?' - turns out they just 'live' there. So with an edge of excitement we got out of the car and made our way into the doors of Hope UC for the first time. Instantly we were greeted by warmth, kindness and a sense of belonging. It's quite hard to explain but I remember feeling quite overwhelmed by the instant feeling we had.
During the service, PS Darlene was bringing the word and mentioned that she was in Brighton (UK) with Martin Smith (a world renowned worship leader) and I remember thinking; 'we've only been here for an hour and already my home town is being spoken about and the person in the story is someone I know...'. At this point, my wife taps me on the shoulder and says, "That's Kirsty's friend, Hayley, at the back - I'm going to go and say hello...". I was a bit confused and asked her how she knew and she said she'd seen Hayley's picture on Facebook. The next thing I know they are hugging and laughing. It turned out it was a friend of a friend who we knew from the UK, who'd married an Aussie and moved here several years ago. It's a small world sometimes, really.
That afternoon as we drove home we had a very strange feeling. One of disappointment that we were driving away from the Central Coast and would be heading back to familiarity, and the other of excitement because none of us knew what was going to happen next. However, our kids loved the Northern Beaches and my wife and I knew that God would have to change their hearts in order for us to move. So we left it to Him and started our week.
Two days later I was praying and asking God for a word for me so I'd know that this was from Him. Randomly I got sent a verse from the bible in a text message from a close friend; it said this: "So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Jesus Christ - eternal and glorious plans they are! - will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, He does." 1 Peter 5:8 - 11 MSG. I mean, WOW. Like, seriously. My mind was blown and I felt an utter sense of peace that I should begin to push doors and see if this Central Coast thing would happen.
At this time I was working on a large building site and hating every moment of it. I felt no sense of purpose and was just turning up day after day. But just after our amazing weekend in the Central Coast I felt an air of excitement about looking forward and so I updated my profile on Seek (a job page) and within an hour had a phone call about a job in the Central Coast. I was asked a few questions and whether I was interested and I said yes, absolutely. Within two weeks I had quit my job and was offered the Central Coast role to start in June. We were on our way, it seemed.
While this was going on, my wife was chatting with my son one day and out of the blue he said, "Mum, if you and Dad think you need to move, I'm OK with that." I mean this was such a wow moment because God was in the process of changing out kids hearts for the move just like we'd asked him too. It was amazing.
The next part of the story is a bit of a blur. Not because I can't remember what happened but because it happened so quickly. I'll try and summarise what God did, in a few lines. Oh, this all happened in the space of two weeks...
1. We broke our lease and found a new tenant within a week
2. We applied to rent a particular house in Mardi on a Saturday morning and we approved on the Monday
3. Our son was offered a place in a new school, the same day we were approved for the rental
4. We were given a moving out date, earlier than anticipated
5. My new boss offered to loan me a company truck so that I didn't have to spend money hiring one
6. I was given the day off on the Friday to move in
7. By Sunday we were moved in and at Hope UC
The way I gauge whether God's plans are lining up with my dreams or not is by the speed at which He works. Sometimes He is VERY slow to do anything. Not to necessarily delay the process but because maybe He wants me to learn something new in the extended time frame before allowing me to move forward. Sometimes He is very fast. This is when His timing for change lines up with my changed heart and everything clicks. Sometimes, I wish that my heart would always be in the right place, but thank you Jesus for grace, I am not a finished work but He knows this and loves me anyway.
So we had now moved. We felt like we were on holiday. The sense of rest and peace was extraordinary and as bizarre as it sounds, we just knew we'd make really good friendships here as everyone we spoke to had similar stories to us. Stories of struggle, pain and blessing. These people had all gone through much and yet had seen incredible blessing and favour waiting for them at the other end of the hallway. We just knew that God had brought us to the right place and that now we could start putting down deep roots.
For me personally, however, despite all the joy of moving, connecting in the church, joining the worship team, seeing my kids growing in Godly stature, seeing my wife have the community she craved for so long now all around her; my heart was still feeling restless. You see, when all this Australia thing happened (see my blog post called Launchpad) back in 2004, I laid down my career in writing to go into construction, and that change of career ultimately lead to us getting a visa. Although I had always known God was in that decision, the last four years in the construction industry in Australia were horrible and I had never felt settled in it. Just one look at my resume you'll see I've had more jobs in four years than I had in 10 years in the UK. Now that old feeling of restlessness had come back over Christmas and I was dreading going back to work. But one night God gave me a dream.
In the dream (it started as soon as I closed my eyes - so I don't know if I was asleep or awake) I found myself standing on the edge of a forest. The trees were all choked up with thick thorns and it was incredibly dense - I couldn't really see into it and it looked a mess. But in front of me was the widest open place I'd ever seen. I could see luscious green fields, a lake and in the distance a beautiful mountain range. The air was fresh and I could literally feel wind on my face. I felt so free.
As I was seeing all of this, I was also thinking to myself; 'how did I get here? Is this a dream? It feels so real. I need to open my eyes!' So I did. I was back in my bed and only a few minutes had passed in literal time. I mean, what the heck was that all about?
I was so freaked out by the dream that I didn't tell anyone about it. I have a prophetic gift and have had dreams and visions in the past, but this was so real and almost unexplainable, so I was left perplexed and asked God to tell me what it was all about before sharing it with anyone. But I got nothing, for days. In the end I told my wife about the dream and she said that maybe I needed to wait a little longer for the answer, so I did.
About two weeks later I was praying with some men from our church and God began to talk to me about the dream. He said; "The forest behind you is your life. It has become thick with confusion and when you are in the midst of it, you cannot see a way out but you know I'm there with you. The wide open space in front of you is what I have planned for you. No limitations, no compromising, no boundaries. It is also a place of rest I am calling you into. The choice is yours though. You either look back and go back into the forest, or you enjoy this new season." Wow. I mean, what do you say to that, apart from 'YES LORD!'
Not long after this I began to feel such a sense of discontentment at work and this nothing really to do with my employer but more about me asking God about where I needed to be. One thing I knew for sure was that God had us at Hope UC for a reason. He had brought us to an area of the Central Coast where He really wanted us to be involved and stuck into the community and in my current work environment there was pressure on me to be travelling and away from home, this was something I did't want to happen as it had happened before in Melbourne and it was hideous. I kept telling myself, God only moves forward, not backwards. He would not allow me to head back into the forest if His plans were to prosper me.
One night, my wife and I prayed that if my current role was not right God would shut the door. Three days later He did. I was told that my employer would be looking for someone else as my interests didn't line up with the company any longer. I was given a weeks notice.
Now, in the real world, this kind of news would be devastating to anyone. Losing a job is not good at any time. But my wife and I knew, without any shadow of a doubt, that God was in this. If He had shut the door, another one would open. We felt peace wash over us and I left my job with my head held high. That was four weeks ago.
About three days later, I picked up a new job working on a production line, making timber roof trusses. The pay was shocking but I needed the money. Five days later I was told I was no longer required because I was 'too smart and too old'! What does that actually mean? So I was left scratching my head and asking God to just give me a little wisdom in knowing His heart - I literally didn't have a clue. The only glimpse on the horizon was an interview for a construction job, but this was in Sydney. Was this the answer to our prayers or another distraction? We asked God to shut the door if it was a dead end. He did. I was told that I didn't have enough experience - fair enough. I wasn't trained in project management anyway. But then it hit me...
I have been professionally trained in something. I do have a passion for something which I had once laid down for God and His plans for us as a family. Half of my working life was devoted to this passion. That passion is writing. Writing is my favourite waste of time. Writing is what I love to do the most. Writing is the overflow of my heart. I LOVE writing.
After this wave of excitement I had a quick peek on a job site to see what writers get paid these days - I was pleasantly surprised. In fact it was much better than what I had thought it would be. Plus with my previous experience, surely someone would see past the last 8 years of construction and pick me up from where I left off? So I called a writing agency to find out. Again, I was pleasantly surprised. Apparently, because I had been keeping this blog, that was technically classed as writing on a regular basis and because I had previously had written work published I stood a very good chance of getting back into the writing game...
So this, my friends, brings me to today. Literally as I am writing this sentence I am beginning a new journey and have decided to pursue my dream and vision to write for a living. I do not have crazy plans to drop everything and 'just see what happens' but I have a vision to see this gift, which I believe was given to me when I was at school, be used for God's glory in whatever context He chooses. It's time for me to let go of the steering wheel, let God take over, and just rest and enjoy the ride. I am hoping that you will come on this journey with me.
Just one final thing to say before I sign off; thank you to everyone who has prayed for us, supported us and championed us in this journey in Australia. It has been one crazy ride but God has remained faithful along every step of the way. Sometimes it is incredibly hard to live out a life of faith but when you fix your eyes on Jesus, everything seems that little bit easier. He is always good. He doesn't want us to remain in a forest, He wants us to experience His wide open space. My prayer for you is that this blog has inspired you to keep trusting Him, your season of unanswered questions will not last long. His plans are always perfect.
Blessings!
Thursday 19 May 2016
New Beginnings
Since my last post in September things have become very different. In fact, my life seems almost unrecognisable to what it was and I'm happy to say, all for the right reasons.
Little did I know that not more than two months after my last entry on here, things would become so hard in my job that I felt I was heading for a serious emotional breakdown and all of my determination to stay in a job which was extremely challenging would be severely fractured. I guess, looking back on things now, it was meant to be that way in order for God to teach me more about relying on Him, but I can honestly say it was flipping hard to do so.
For one thing, the Northern Beaches of Sydney is not the cheapest area to live with a job, let alone without one. So without a steady income it would always be a massive up-hill struggle. And secondly, I had been feeling that my career would take a severe blow to go from project managing to carpentry in a matter of days. Why was this happening and also so close to Christmas? I mean, to me it looked really bleak.
But lastly, it was more about how I was feeling inside. I felt like I had lost direction, focus and drive, all of which I thought were the things still driving this crazy Australian adventure. Without these, how was I going to keep going?
In December I had two jobs, one I thought was my ideal job, working on a refurbishment of a Porsche Centre in Sydney. It seemed like the perfect 'reward' for all my hard efforts but in reality it was a shocking week and a half. If I were to sum it up, I would simply refer to that moment as a blip. Nothing more. The second job was working with a decking company. Again, probably one of the worst weeks ever but I guess it paid a weeks rent.
It was now nearly Christmas and we were out of money - literally had $7 in the bank and savings which would only cover the rent and nothing else. I had had a small interview with a property maintenance company and the guy had promised to employ me, but also agreed with me that to get over the previous month's catastrophic job flop I should not start until the new year. What were we as a family going to do? We had no money for Christmas presents and the kids had been amazing and we desperately wanted to treat them. So my wife and I did the one thing you can do in a situation like this - go shopping.
Armed with our $7 we went to a store to pick up some hooks which my wife wanted to get for some pictures. The only trouble was the picture hooks were $7.50 so it would mean I'd have to transfer money into her account from our rent savings. So, stood on a street corner with a rather desperate expression on my face I logged into our account (which I'd done about two hours before we left for the shops) to transfer the $0.50 required. But something had changed as I stared at the iPhone screen. The balance staring back at me was $4,000 more than it was two hours ago! WHAT? I looked again in case I had made a mistake, but I hadn't. Both our accounts were in credit by more than we'd had in any month at any point in the year when I was on a really good salary. I later found out it was because the tax office needed to make an adjustment based on my low earnings the year before and had finally got around to it!! God had provided BIG TIME.
When we realised what had happened it was the most amazing feeling. We knew in that short moment of time that regardless of circumstance, God would always continue to be our provider. And this time around He hadn't just given us a little, He had heaped blessings on us and we had one of the best Christmases as a family, ever. He is good all the time, right?
After our lovely Christmas I was due to start my job on January 5th. Weirdly though, I just couldn't sleep the night before my first day. My spirit was so uneasy with things and all I kept thinking about was whether I had made the right decision to work for this guy or not. By the end of the first day I knew I hadn't. It was yet another red herring and I couldn't believe it. Not only was the guy's company completely out of money, it had no vision and the guys working for him had no drive. It was bad. The owner also requested that in order for him to be insured I would need to apply for my carpentry licence. This would mean me spending $400 on something I didn't think I needed as I was going to be on salary. But then the big bombshell hit - "I won't be able to employ you for the first six months," he said.
What? So not only did he lie about the job but I would have to spend $400 with money which I was trying to save. But it's funny in a way, though. You see I was just saying about how God provided for us but again I was being tested to see if I had got this in my spirit, but I have to say that I failed. Just like Jesus' disciples when they were asked to feed the second hungry crowd and had forgotten how Jesus had provided for the first crowd, I was doing the same here - I had a disbelieving heart and had taken my eyes off the Provider.
Keen to keep working I went ahead and got my carpentry licence, as required, but the strangest thing happened when I walked out of the Office of Fair Trading with it. I felt to give up my job and trust God that He would come through for me instead of working for a company I now knew was trading illegally. I was going to do this God's way.
It's interesting the things you remember as a Christian, especially when you trust Him and let go. That afternoon, my wife and I experienced a supernatural peace like nothing we'd had for ages. It was so amazing and it will forever be there to remind me what what it feels like to trust God rather than fear circumstance. It's like I felt this complete reassurance that He would do something amazing. And, I'm glad to say, He did.
A week after this moment of letting go, and picking up a bit of casual carpentry work provided for by two amazing families in the church, I received a phone-call out of the blue asking me to attend an interview the next morning in the city for a job working within the facilities (maintenance) department at my local (10 minutes on a bicycle) Westfield mall. The strange thing was that I couldn't remember applying for the role and not only that, I had apparently applied back in November right at the end of my project management job. I curiously accepted and the next morning turned up at Sydney's main Westfield mall and breezed through the interview. It was like I was always meant to have been there. Sure enough the next day I received an email saying I had made it to the second interview at Warringah Mall. Again, the interview was like a dream and I was offered the job. A full-time, salaried position for Westfield. But the story doesn't end here, it gets better.
My wife asked me when I would get paid and I said it was monthly. We knew (or thought we did) that we'd have to find rent for four weeks as I would be paid a week after starting and then not until the following month. It was going to really stretch us but we just knew it would work out. Shortly after receiving confirmation of employment I was asked to go back into the city to sign my paper work. At this point the girl who had handed me the paperwork said, "just for your info, on Friday you will receive your first week's salary as well as three weeks in advance pay, so in effect you'll receive four weeks pay!"
If there was ever a look like that cartoon image of the jaw dropping to the floor, this was it. Not only had I been given a job but God had met our needs in spectacular fashion. But perhaps the funniest part of all of this was that Westfield had to pay me the highest rate of pay for my role because I had a carpentry licence! That means, if I hadn't have worked for the guy at the beginning of the year I probably wouldn't have been able to accept this job due to what the renumeration package would've been without it. Just wow.
Astounded by God's goodness and grace I can honestly say that these last few months have been amazing. There are so many things I could write down that He has done but I'd be here (and so would you be if you continued to read) forever. Sure, we have experienced a few financial mountains due to a smaller pay packet (for now) and have been hit by some big bills but we know that if God can provide the dream job after literally years of wrestling with bad jobs, then He can overcome all our issues for us and all we have to do is rest in Him. And to really hammer this point home, God has also provided for my wife a really great part time job at a secondary school which our son will be attending next year! So we are now both earning :)
Right now I feel like as a family we are finally on the cusp of something huge and we are starting to see fruit from that long time of pruning which I have to say was so very hard. When we didn't understand what God was doing, we tried to trust Him and focus on the fact that He has always known our future before we ever did.
I have heard it said many times before and now I actually believe it myself - if you look back over all the hard times you will always see where God has proved Himself to be a faithful and loving Father who intimately knows our every need.
I really hope this story has blessed and encouraged you as it has me.
Little did I know that not more than two months after my last entry on here, things would become so hard in my job that I felt I was heading for a serious emotional breakdown and all of my determination to stay in a job which was extremely challenging would be severely fractured. I guess, looking back on things now, it was meant to be that way in order for God to teach me more about relying on Him, but I can honestly say it was flipping hard to do so.
For one thing, the Northern Beaches of Sydney is not the cheapest area to live with a job, let alone without one. So without a steady income it would always be a massive up-hill struggle. And secondly, I had been feeling that my career would take a severe blow to go from project managing to carpentry in a matter of days. Why was this happening and also so close to Christmas? I mean, to me it looked really bleak.
But lastly, it was more about how I was feeling inside. I felt like I had lost direction, focus and drive, all of which I thought were the things still driving this crazy Australian adventure. Without these, how was I going to keep going?
In December I had two jobs, one I thought was my ideal job, working on a refurbishment of a Porsche Centre in Sydney. It seemed like the perfect 'reward' for all my hard efforts but in reality it was a shocking week and a half. If I were to sum it up, I would simply refer to that moment as a blip. Nothing more. The second job was working with a decking company. Again, probably one of the worst weeks ever but I guess it paid a weeks rent.
It was now nearly Christmas and we were out of money - literally had $7 in the bank and savings which would only cover the rent and nothing else. I had had a small interview with a property maintenance company and the guy had promised to employ me, but also agreed with me that to get over the previous month's catastrophic job flop I should not start until the new year. What were we as a family going to do? We had no money for Christmas presents and the kids had been amazing and we desperately wanted to treat them. So my wife and I did the one thing you can do in a situation like this - go shopping.
Armed with our $7 we went to a store to pick up some hooks which my wife wanted to get for some pictures. The only trouble was the picture hooks were $7.50 so it would mean I'd have to transfer money into her account from our rent savings. So, stood on a street corner with a rather desperate expression on my face I logged into our account (which I'd done about two hours before we left for the shops) to transfer the $0.50 required. But something had changed as I stared at the iPhone screen. The balance staring back at me was $4,000 more than it was two hours ago! WHAT? I looked again in case I had made a mistake, but I hadn't. Both our accounts were in credit by more than we'd had in any month at any point in the year when I was on a really good salary. I later found out it was because the tax office needed to make an adjustment based on my low earnings the year before and had finally got around to it!! God had provided BIG TIME.
When we realised what had happened it was the most amazing feeling. We knew in that short moment of time that regardless of circumstance, God would always continue to be our provider. And this time around He hadn't just given us a little, He had heaped blessings on us and we had one of the best Christmases as a family, ever. He is good all the time, right?
After our lovely Christmas I was due to start my job on January 5th. Weirdly though, I just couldn't sleep the night before my first day. My spirit was so uneasy with things and all I kept thinking about was whether I had made the right decision to work for this guy or not. By the end of the first day I knew I hadn't. It was yet another red herring and I couldn't believe it. Not only was the guy's company completely out of money, it had no vision and the guys working for him had no drive. It was bad. The owner also requested that in order for him to be insured I would need to apply for my carpentry licence. This would mean me spending $400 on something I didn't think I needed as I was going to be on salary. But then the big bombshell hit - "I won't be able to employ you for the first six months," he said.
What? So not only did he lie about the job but I would have to spend $400 with money which I was trying to save. But it's funny in a way, though. You see I was just saying about how God provided for us but again I was being tested to see if I had got this in my spirit, but I have to say that I failed. Just like Jesus' disciples when they were asked to feed the second hungry crowd and had forgotten how Jesus had provided for the first crowd, I was doing the same here - I had a disbelieving heart and had taken my eyes off the Provider.
Keen to keep working I went ahead and got my carpentry licence, as required, but the strangest thing happened when I walked out of the Office of Fair Trading with it. I felt to give up my job and trust God that He would come through for me instead of working for a company I now knew was trading illegally. I was going to do this God's way.
It's interesting the things you remember as a Christian, especially when you trust Him and let go. That afternoon, my wife and I experienced a supernatural peace like nothing we'd had for ages. It was so amazing and it will forever be there to remind me what what it feels like to trust God rather than fear circumstance. It's like I felt this complete reassurance that He would do something amazing. And, I'm glad to say, He did.
A week after this moment of letting go, and picking up a bit of casual carpentry work provided for by two amazing families in the church, I received a phone-call out of the blue asking me to attend an interview the next morning in the city for a job working within the facilities (maintenance) department at my local (10 minutes on a bicycle) Westfield mall. The strange thing was that I couldn't remember applying for the role and not only that, I had apparently applied back in November right at the end of my project management job. I curiously accepted and the next morning turned up at Sydney's main Westfield mall and breezed through the interview. It was like I was always meant to have been there. Sure enough the next day I received an email saying I had made it to the second interview at Warringah Mall. Again, the interview was like a dream and I was offered the job. A full-time, salaried position for Westfield. But the story doesn't end here, it gets better.
My wife asked me when I would get paid and I said it was monthly. We knew (or thought we did) that we'd have to find rent for four weeks as I would be paid a week after starting and then not until the following month. It was going to really stretch us but we just knew it would work out. Shortly after receiving confirmation of employment I was asked to go back into the city to sign my paper work. At this point the girl who had handed me the paperwork said, "just for your info, on Friday you will receive your first week's salary as well as three weeks in advance pay, so in effect you'll receive four weeks pay!"
If there was ever a look like that cartoon image of the jaw dropping to the floor, this was it. Not only had I been given a job but God had met our needs in spectacular fashion. But perhaps the funniest part of all of this was that Westfield had to pay me the highest rate of pay for my role because I had a carpentry licence! That means, if I hadn't have worked for the guy at the beginning of the year I probably wouldn't have been able to accept this job due to what the renumeration package would've been without it. Just wow.
Astounded by God's goodness and grace I can honestly say that these last few months have been amazing. There are so many things I could write down that He has done but I'd be here (and so would you be if you continued to read) forever. Sure, we have experienced a few financial mountains due to a smaller pay packet (for now) and have been hit by some big bills but we know that if God can provide the dream job after literally years of wrestling with bad jobs, then He can overcome all our issues for us and all we have to do is rest in Him. And to really hammer this point home, God has also provided for my wife a really great part time job at a secondary school which our son will be attending next year! So we are now both earning :)
Right now I feel like as a family we are finally on the cusp of something huge and we are starting to see fruit from that long time of pruning which I have to say was so very hard. When we didn't understand what God was doing, we tried to trust Him and focus on the fact that He has always known our future before we ever did.
I have heard it said many times before and now I actually believe it myself - if you look back over all the hard times you will always see where God has proved Himself to be a faithful and loving Father who intimately knows our every need.
I really hope this story has blessed and encouraged you as it has me.
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